MMkM

This is probably worse for you tonight because tomorrow is his court hearing.

You are running all the possibilities and what has happened what could have gone wrong, where you went wrong (you did not do anything wrong)...

It is so painful. I spent way too much effort on my alcoholic Mom, who was fatally
alcoholic. It was nearly 10 years ago and there were not forums like this. I did go
to Alanon - just once. Because I was determined to prove them wrong. I put every effort and emotion and minute into trying to get her off drink.

Listen to these knowledgeable people who have been through this.

One thing that has not been mentioned if you think he has a mental condition (eg depression) or if the bipolar is correct - any medication he takes and mixes with alcohol (and anyone correct me here) nullifies or renders it useless.

He is not cooperating with a program.

Your debts are going up.

Before I got on this forum this past weekend I was a mess. I would wake up depressed, cry a lot, worry (about my elderly father who is in a neglectful situation). But I was validated here that it was not normal what I was going through. This is dysfunction and I was falling right back in the whole puppet show - reacting and trying to fix.

I was told to get into or read about ACOA. Today I woke up feeling better, not wondering if he had been fed, or bathed or who was left with him. I left that up to Adult Protective Services - they have the power to do something about this situation now just as a Judge and Prosecutor have the power to do somethig about your son now.

As I have read most messages end with what are you doing for you? Alanon, ACOA, a therapist. Some books people recommend. Workbooks. Someone, probably on here, recommended just going to the library and going down the ailes and picking up books on what clicked with them. Anxiety, Positive thinking, Alcoholism, Depression, etc... and making a custom made workbook to study. Maybe something positive such as meditation, yoga or gardening.

Journaling has helped a lot of people.

Make sure you are eating right, try to relax and get some rest or watch tv if you get up sick with worry about tomorrow.

Thoughts are with you about what you are going through.