I really, really understand chicory. I too had parents who were distant and never there for me emotionally. I too at 17 met my ex husband because I needed love. I too, got divorced only to look for love again. I too, spent my life living for my children. I too, had nothing as a child and wanted to give my children everything I didnt have.
I have grown though and I wish this for you too. Be strong honey, you can change your thinking now, If I can do it anyone can. With many tears and lonely nights I fought hard for my son, only to find that I was doing more damage by protecting and bailing him out all the time. He needed me to show him how to be 'strong'. I couldnt treat him like a child anymore. Really, you can do it now, slowly, step by step.
Keep reading in here everyday if you can, there is so much good advice and it really helped me tremendously. People said things to me that I didnt like much but it opened my eyes. I mainly came in here for help for my sister but I lost her 9 months ago to alcoholism. I still have tears but this forum keeps me going and keeps me stronger to get through every day.
a big hug for you, ok. I know you are hurting, but as you treat your son as 'the stranger' you dont know, it will get better. Keep reminding yourself that you will not put up with 'stranger' 'behaviour'.
JJ