In what situations do I feel shame or embarrassment for someone else’s behavior?
The ones I've enabled.
Another one of my bottom line answers, after sleeping on it.
When I've been embarrassed by others and not enabled, it's because I've personalized it and accepted at least a part of their reality as my own.
A couple of months ago, my husband celebrated his 50th bday. It was a large gathering and my daughter was trying her best to not be socially awkward. When I saw her falter a few times, I felt a momentary embarrassment then let it go. She accepts her social awkwardness and tries hard to work through it. I had to flip a switch inside my head, turn the mirror around, and respect/accept her individuality and efforts.
I ended up feeling shame towards myself, realizing I had been judging her.