I remember my sponsor telling me that when we try to control someone else, we give them all our power, and they then have power over us.
For instance, if I try to get someone to do something that they may not want to do...if they do it, I am happy. If they don't do it I am angry/sad/fill in the bad emotion. By trying to control them, I gave them power over my emotions that would depend on their response.
I had gone to great lengths to try to control my son's addiction, his choices, his life...and not once did my efforts affect the outcome. He made good choices and he made bad choices, he sometimes did what I wanted...but only because he wanted it too.
No matter how hard I tried, no matter how scheming I became, no matter how great a codie detective I learned to be...I WAS powerless, whether I was ready to face it or not.
As I shared early, it was almost a relief to "give it up" and admit it. Admitting I was powerless meant I no longer ran the universe. Funny thing is, I never did, it was all an illusion brought on my my fear.
Cats has some good questions on her intro to Step One. I have printed them out and intend to go through them and work this step once again. Each time I work it I am at a different stage in my life, and it's refreshing to take time and keep my foundations in place.
Hugs