Feeling Shame
Saturday afternoon was the turning point in the relationship with my 20 year old son.
We have been dealing with his addiction to drugs for the past 4 years.
Intravenous use of Cocaine and Heroin are the drugs of choice.
He has stolen money from me, his mother and his sisters. A couple of thousand dollars in both cash and items that he pawned.
We forgave him over and over again.
We were willing to somehow cover the expense of treatment that we could not afford. He never got any further than an assessment interview.
We stuck ourselves out further based on his promises.
Cosigned for a auto loan. He license was quickly suspended.
Let him live at home for free. I got him a job at my place of employment.
His drug use never stopped. A bottle of pain pills turned up missing from work.
Hand tools began to disappear. I would see the paper towels in the restroom trash can with the little dots of blood on them.
Within this past week at our home, his sister's Ipod was stolen and $100 dollars was stolen from my wife's purse.
He denied it all.
Then yesterday I noticed that my pistol was missing.
At first he denied it...After a few minutes of me not letting up...he admitted he had stolen my gun and traded it to his dealer for drugs.
That was the "It" moment for my wife and I.
We cannot his this type of person around our home and our other children
We gave him a couple of suitcases so that he could pack his clothing.
He packed up and called his girlfriend to come and get him.
He can only return to our home to pick up the remainder of his clothing.
I must be here and I will have the clothing already packed in bags of some type.
He cannot live here any longer.
He can no longer work at my place of employment. He is a liability.
I am struggling with the "day after" this morning.
I do not know anyone else that is dealing with this type of situation.
I never thought that I would need to force a child of mine to leave.
We have tried to help...over and over again.
I feel like such a complete failure.
The desire that I have to go and pick him up...to try one more time is killing me.
I know he is going to steal and not get help or lie about it.
I have to stay strong and not give in.
The hard part is looking at the photos that I have strewn over my desk and remembering the person that he once was.
Now...He is a junkie with needle scars that run the length of his arms.
He is a liar and a thief.
Thanks for Listening.