I identify with everything everybody wrote in this thread. I did have the list of dealbreakers for me on a little card. I would forget and get pulled back into the magical thinking. I can't just remember the good. I can't just remember his potential and forget the things which day to day made it so hard like lies, sub. abuse, verbal abuse, manipulations, and promises not kept and distrust, porn, and negativity. I will always love the good parts and miss them. I have to remember the whole story. Love the person and hate the disease.....but I know I can't live in active addiction. The little card of the bad stuff was a needed reality for me because I would forget so fast. My XAH never embraced recovery. If he had tried my story could have been different.