My ex ABF has been sober (dry) for over 6 months. When he celebrated 3 months, I saw him for the first time since he asked me to leave ( 3.5 months before ). I was so proud and so happy to hear him speak at his 90 day celebration, to hear his sponsor speak about how hard he was working to achieve long-term sobriety. So when he asked me to begin seeing him again, I did. I love him very much, and have loved him for so long. But it did not take long for him to begin to speak negatively about his AA meetings; to stop writing in his journal, to begin to manipulate me into living with him again. So I broke it off. I felt relieved at first. But I love him still, and I miss him. And the funny thing is that the longer I go no contact, the more my dream of him replaces the actual him in my thoughts. I am working very hard to just live with the pain until it goes away. My heart hurts today, but I know that although my heart still would skip if he called, all of our conversations were leaving me feeling so empty and sad. He said he respected my boundaries, and my need to be healthy myself, but his actions told another story completely. I pray that he is working on himself, and getting back to his program. Maybe someday, we can be together again. I will always love him, but right now, he is not good for me. That is hard to accept.