Day 10 and I'm getting sucked into the anger and resentment again
Well, as a codependent I know it's no one's fault but my own. I've had a few very good days, concentrating on reading Codependent No More, being on this site. I've set boundaries, asked AH to find an out of town project with his company. We've been coexisting fairly well, however tonight is another story. My kids went with their grandparents and our neighbor on the lake and my AH was there too (we are married and live together not sure what my plan is quite yet). Anyway, I stayed home so I could finish laundry, to get ready for our 200 mile trip back from the Lake. Since I've forbidden my AH to drive my kids, I happily took my kids and the two puppies home. I'm ok with that, I'm the responsible one, and I don't "expect" anything of him. Or, so I thought. He casually mentions to me he should be right behind me, has to do a few things at the marina with the boat and he'll be on his way. Well, my 16yo daughter called him asked him to stop at an ATM (so I didn't have to with the kids and dogs). It is her first day of Junior year of high school (horrible last two years as her grades have been just awful). So my AH casually mentions to my daughter that he's about 2 hours behind us. Ok, my new leaf codependent self should not react to that, but I was LIVID. Here I am taking two steps back, envisioning stopping for a few, getting a DUI, me being up until he got home. I got a hold of myself, but it was hard, becasue then I turned my resentment to my daughter who is making all kinds of plans for a concert this weekend (that means I have to stay home with my 10 year old from the lake, a family thing that we love to do), and the second trigger with my daughter explodes. How do I let go of the anger and resentment, how do I "re-focus" when I KNOW I'm getting sucked back in....Now it will take all my willpower to get to sleep so I'm not up to "check" if he's been drinking, or watcihng the clock assumign the worst (In the past he's stopped at rest areas because he's been tired, now with my new found awareness of his resurgence of alcoholism that is just an outright lie)....I will wake up and it will be a new day, but what is scary is NOTHING bad has happened except ME spiraling out of control, assuming the worst in both my AH and my daughter. How do I keep this on an even keel.....