I've always loved my alcoholic boyfriend. I still loved him after I ended our relationship, I loved him when he succumbed to alcoholism, and I still love him today several years after his death. My boyfriend was a good man who suffered from a terrible illness, did his best to overcome it, but it proved to be much too powerful for him.
But loving Richard didn't mean that I would tolerate the behaviors that came along with his drinking. When he was drinking, I chose to love him from afar and separate myself from his alcoholism.
For several brief periods (sometimes as long as 7 months) he achieved sobriety, and I would happily spend time with him. But knowing that alcoholics are prone to relapse, I decided to continue to live apart from him. Ending the relationship and asking him to leave my home was emotionally very hard for me. I didn't want to have to ask him to leave a second time. It nearly broke my heart when I asked him to leave, and based on his actions, I believe it nearly broke his heart, too.
So when he relapsed, which he did several times, I would once again separate myself from him physically and detach from him emotionally and I would end all contact with him. It was just too heartbreaking for me to watch him struggle so and realize that there was nothing I could do to help him. In the end I had to learn to love myself enough to walk away. I didn't pick up the phone the last time he called me; he had become just a shadow of the man I fell in love with. I sure hope he knew that I always loved him but I had to protect myself.