CoDependent No More by Melody Beattie
Page 37 (on codependence)
They (codependents) have worried themselves sick about other people. They have tried to help in ways that didn't help. They have said yes when they meant no. They have tried to make other people see things their way. They have bent over backward to avoid hurting people's feelings and, in so doing, have hurt themselves. They have been afraid to trust their feelings. They have believed lies and then felt betrayed. They have wanted to get even and punish others. They have felt so angry they wanted to kill. They have struggled for their rights while other people said that they didn't have any. They have worn sackcloth because they didn't believe they deserved silk.
Worrying myself sick: Literally Guilty. I have lost 2/3 of my colon from worry. Even after just two days around my AS......I felt the stomach pain begin again. I worry so much that it makes me physically sick. That has got to stop.
Saying YES when I mean NO: Guilty. I have a very hard time saying NO to anyone. It sounds something like this....nnnnnnnnnyes. Most people have some kind of built in filter that prevents them from totally taking advantage of others. My AS has no such filter so I need to change that about ME. Sounds like it just might be a good idea in all aspects of my life.
Trying to get people to see things my way: Guilty. It doesn't matter if other people see things my way or not. We all try to influence others around us....it's a human thing. But I can be like a bulldog and just won't let go........I need to let go.
Avoiding hurting other people's feelings: Guilty. Bend over backwards? No.....I'll do BACKFLIPS to keep from hurting someone elses feelings. I'd rather take the pain of hurt feelings than hurt someone elses. Sound like a self imposed victim? uh huh.
Afraid to trust my own feelings: Yes....guilty.
I could go on and on here but the bottom line is guilty on all counts. Now....before anyone says "you're being too hard on yourself" or "stop beating yourself up" I think it's important to recognize these characteristics so that I can come to terms with them and move beyond them.
I need to have the courage to change.......ME.
Does anyone out there remember the take off of the Serenity Prayer that ends with "the wisdom to know its me".......I think I need to put that one on my refridgerator.
gentle hugs