I was separated from my AH - literally I did not speaking 1 word to him, I cut him off totally, I felt nothing for him for 6 months (or so I thought
. I filed D papers - it was so over.
I ran into him and it was like nothing bad had ever happened.
I had total amnesia for about 2 weeks. It was euphoria, we both said and did all the right things. It was perfect, there was nothing that could ruin it...
Then the tsunami came. resentment anger hatred. It was so emotional and it felt so out of control.
After a couple weeks I started to gain back my sanity, not completely I had my moments, but for most part I stayed in control.
He's been sober for 15 months. And things (for us) are pretty normal and happy. I am not oblivious to the possibilities of relapse, but I'm ok with that now.
We will never fit the ideal, nor do I think I want to. And we still struggle with certain things, but now we are capable of working through them.
It can happen, but it is important to stay in control of your feelings and your life.
It is ok to want your husband back - to want that life. After all you married him to be together. It's not wrong to feel that way.
Just take your time & be patient. You will have the rest of your lives IF he stays sober. Let him get some time under his belt. While you keep working on your strength
It is not a very Al-anon way of thinking, I realize, but sometimes it does work.
Hugs to you