Thanks for all the support. So the bf's slip has made me take a look at my own sobriety (or lack of it) Sure I can say I haven't gone without a drink or any coke since january but I know the way I am feeling lately it is only a matter of time. So I've been to 3 meetings in 4 days, I am planning on going to tonights womens meeting and hopefully seeing some familiar faces. I have asked the bf to leave so that I can work this program the right way for myself. He of course is hurt and angry but Friday night could have been me stuck in that hotel room trashed. It seems like everything lately has been so chaotic and the answer is as easy as going to meetings, get involved and most important I know I need to get a sponsor. So plan is in place now time to continue on and take action. The bf has left today and says he is going to do what he needs to get back on track. I just hope in time he will see that this is the only way for eaither of us to get some sanity back in our lives. I haven't drank but I feel like I am acting like a drunk lately. So thanks to all who told me what I already knew in my heart.