Yes, SR was down and I was in withdrawals.
Well, things have come more to light, lately, and it's actually my DAD who is causing more problems. I won't go into it here, but lets just say he has some serious issues and I would call it emotional abuse towards my stepmom. Her first husband was an alcoholic and beat the hell out of her, and now this. I've known about it, for some time, just not how bad it was.
It's killing me. I love him. I love her. Yesterday was the first time I really, really wanted to get numb...didn't give a damn HOW, I just wanted to not think or feel. I didn't. I'm surprised my laptop didn't burn up with me e-mailing ((Lenina)) and ((Tess)) and was about to e-mail ((Med)) but finally fell asleep. Thank God, I had the sense to do that. Today I called my aunt, and that helped, too.
Stepmom has been cleaning up. I told her I would help her, gave her some suggestions I've learned from the FLYlady site, which is really cool. I told her to just take 15 minutes and do something. Her plan is to get the house cleaned up and leave....for good. Her sister in SC has said she CAN stay there. I'm now confident that even if we live in different places, we'll still be family. I know she has problems, but I also know that when you've been beaten down you're entire life, it's hard to get back up. I won't baby her, but I will encourage her. No one deserves to feel like their worthless.
I checked out schools up by ((Med)) and also in MN, where my family lives but they stress the words "background check" and that scares me. I was seriously thinking of moving to one of those places, somehow. I am in full-blown PTSD. I couldn't even remember that I have a mental health assessment in the morning. I remembered that I TALKED to them, but that was it. If I hadn't e-mailed Tess what time it was, I wouldn't have a clue when to be there.
((Desert Eyes aka Mike)) had read one of my posts and has been a Godsend pm'ing me. He's given me other options if they turn me down tomorrow, because I'm on meds, which would be stupid, but I'll just have to wait and see. I've got to do stores, tomorrow..I haven't even started. I could have gone to VA with dad, tonight, made some money, but I don't think being cooped up in a van with him is a good idea.
On a good note, I got a "new" used tire today. Been using the same place for years and their tires last forever, unless I run over a nail, or run off the road. The brake light that had come on, only came on because the donut tire was a different size. Took me going to 2 places to find that out, but I know have another mechanic I trust, and that's always a good thing.
I got sick of wearing my one pair of jeans that were baggy, so got a new pair and in a smaller size
I've been running around the house, yelling "I'm in a size 10!!!" and the cats think I've lost my mind. Just a little FYI, at one time I wore a size 24-26, so a size 10 is pretty cool.
I also had a nice little chat with my store owner when I went to pick up my check. They'd taken out $13 from my paycheck for my drawer being short, yet I wasn't there when it was counted. From now on, I will count my own drawer, either with the mgr or they can count it later. I also have her permission to tell my store mgr "no, I will NOT clean up the mess that the previous shift left", which he's done quite frequently. His favorite words are "Amy will clean it up". Not any more! She's also hired several "high-schoolers" and she said they can work the front counter, so I can work in other areas. I told her how frustrated I was that I can't learn anything else because if it's busy, I'm too slow, but if it's slow, I'm cleaning and stocking. I think she's still unreasonable on some aspects, but overall it was a constructive meeting, even though I'm still out $13.
So, I'm okay for now. Brain dead, but okay. I've got to buy a printer, as when dad bought his new computer, something screwed up and we can't get the printer to work. I need to print out my transcript requests and get that going so I can apply for school. I'm thinking hard (which is not easy when you're brain isn't working) on how to get more financially stable. I've given up my fear of financial aid at school and am going to apply for everything I can get.
I am grateful for my recovery. Even a year ago, I don't know that I'd be strong enough to get through all this, but now? It's just a challenge, and one I fully intend to meet, head on.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy