Hello.
I can honestly say I understand. My family is a nice middle class family...on the outside. I have a 10 and a 4 year old. My husband was a drinker. He is also on meds for anxiety. Well, this past April (day before Easter) he was to meet us at my mother's house to go to church w/us. He never showed. Long story short, I got a phone call when I got home to come to a home nearby. He had gotten wasted, broken into their home and trashed their house. We dont know these people at all. He caused about $15k in damages. He has caused emoational damage I cannot even explain to myself and my girls. I found out he had been picking them up from school while he had been drinking. It makes me sick. It makes him sick now too, but at the time he thought he had it all under control.
He went to rehab and has been clean since. I am so mad that this was his bottom. Why was it not losing his family?? Causing us so much grief and shame?? Causing anxiety to our children?? Does not matter, none of that was his bottom, this was. He has to live w/that, but so do we. Horrible.
I took my children to counseling during this time. I am in counseling, so is he. We are hanging on, life is getting better. We are lucky no one was home and no one was hurt. This man is/was a social worker. If I had not seen the evidence myself I would never believe my husband had done this. His bottom was waking up in jail and not having a clue what he had done to get there. There is still a possibility he could go to jail for this, we will know at sentencing next Friday for sure.
Moral of my story is this. I cannot believe I was so wrapped up in his disease to have let it get this far. I cannot believe I sat back while he risked my children. I cannot believe I have let them be exposed to this. I have agreed to try and work it out. I am trying and it is the hardest thing I have ever done. I dont know if I can ever get past all of this anger I feel. I dont want my children to grow up and think this type of thing is normal, to live through this.
There is no question I have hit my bottom. If he screws up again...ever...HE WILL LEAVE. Not me, him. I am done. I talked honestly and openly with my 10 year old. If you do the same you will be very surprised how much they realize about what is going on, or at least I was. I let my husband come back home after rehab b/c it was hard for my kids to have him gone. That was a mistake. His recovery is so emoationally consuming that I dont think I am focusing on myself and my kids enough. If I had told him to stay away for 8 months or a year I think we would be in a better place. He would be over alot of the BS that goes along with recovery and we would too.
Good luck no matter what you decide. I will ALWAYS put my kids first. I have hit my bottom. It is black and white. This will never happen to myself or my kids again. Hopefully his recovery will continue and it wont come to any of that, but I know I am in the right place now.
Good luck. Get support for yourself and your kids. God Bless!