Hi Chakra - after reading your posts, it just reminded me of how hard it is to parent (especially girls, cuz they're not content just to keep their mouths shut and go kick a soccer ball around for fun)......... I had some very difficult times with my oldest daughter who has moved in with me on 9 different occassions in the past 5 years. She now 25 and has periods of being fine and then just dropping out of life altogether. There's alot to the story, which I won't bother with here, but I just wanted to say she is finally going to graduated from college in Decemeber. It's been a struggle, but I do believe there's hope. My 17 yr. old has other issues................... nuff about me.
As I said, your posts reminded me of something I discovered about setting boundaries (which I usually don't do very well). One of my problems in the past is that I felt like I had to get tough to use tough love, and that's just not me. So I had a hard time with it, until I it got bad of course and I was angry. When I got to the breaking point and had finally had enough, I would get on their case and they look at me like I'm crazy since I never act like that.
What I discovered is that my anger is just an emotional reaction to being hurt. It hurts me to see them be selfish, to have to worry about where they are, to feel disrespected or ignored. It hurts......
After realizing this, I was finally able to do some tough love by sharing my hurt, letting them see how their behavior really affected me.... (maybe a few tears, too). I told them how overwhelmed I felt to have to do all the work around the house, and my worries about money and how I worried about them all the time. It seems to be working better for me than the strong-arm approach, since they would just get angry back at me and more defiant anyway.
This may not apply at all to your situation, but for any single moms out there who are softies like me, you can do tough love without having to have a tough personality. Just show them your heart and your hurt......
Chakra, I hope things get better for you and your daughter soon. I know how exhausting it is to have to go through all the drama....... Detachment is something I'm also working on and that's not easy either. Parenting is just hard!!!! Hang in there. ODAAT!!