Another new member
I rarely post on message boards because the public nature tends to make me nervous. But I've read this board on and off for about a year and have found just reading really helpful. So, I've decided it's time to actually post.
About a year ago, my fiance's drug use reached a head and led me to contact his parents. We convinced him to go to detox and then an outpatient rehab. I probably should have seen his problem earlier, but I'm only a few years out of undergrad and knew a lot of people who used drugs and didn't seem to have any really adverse effects. Regardless, he did the rehab and has been doing really well since then. His drug of choice seems to have been Xanax and less frequently oxycotin. I really haven't noticed his old behaviors coming back, but I was snooping through his text messages last night (maybe that's wrong, but I don't feel guilty--I simply don't trust him, with good reason I think) and I found a series of messages about getting oxycotin, using the code name he and his friends use for it. I do not know whether they succeeded or not in getting any.
I'm not totally positive what to do with this. I think Ive decided to do the ultimatum thing--me or the drugs and the friend the text messages were with. Is this a bad idea? I've told him how hard the last go round was for me and that Im not up for going through it again. I'm not sure whether I could actually follow through if he doesn't choose me. And I think he may very well do this at least at first, because he gets so defensive and accuses me of not trusting him (even though he's given me ample reason not to). Frankly, though, Im surprised at how calm I am about this. I don't know exactly what I'm asking here, maybe just if an ultimatum at this stage, when I haven't noticed anything yet and only have text messages to go on, is a good idea, especially if I don't know that I can follow through.
Anyway, thanks and I hope I didn't mess up posting etiquette or something.