allow me to chime in? I divorced when my only daughter was in 2nd grade...I bent over backwards, worked 2 jobs to extend our *disposable income*...had my mother babysit every day and gave my daughter all the advantages. Her father and I lived in the same town, she could sleep at anyone's house...we had big vacations, loving family and lots of attention. She went from being an Honors student to almost flunking the 10th grade. She hit me and cracked a rib...she is 5 inches taller than I and has about 50# on me. angry and larger is scary....even from your own child. I couldn't close my eyes at night she would go out the window..she ran away from home 3X in one year...we last found her in Texas and pressed charges against the 22 YO man she was with. I sent her to live with Daddy-dearest full time...she graduated HS, he paid for her first semester at college...which as says "chose to fail".
OY-VEY! i thought my X was going to have a stroke on my front lawn...he actually turned purple....we BOTH told her she was off of our payroll....at age 19.....we all spent saturdays in family counseling since we had 100% insurance coverage...she calmed down went back to school, moved in with a very nice young man that she abused and lived off of....time advances...she turns 25.....I gave her a very nice gift of my diamond engagement ring and about 4K in bonds I had kept for her.....her final words to me were to "go flock myself when I told her not to drink and drive" (i was not drinking all that much during these years, about 3-5 glasses of wine a night).....I changed the locks on my house and refused to give her my coffee table (it is a strange story)....she screamed and pounded on my door until I told her I would call the cops and haveher removed.....my mother gets ill, she shows up at the ER with a water bottle filled with straight vodka, telling me that I should quit my job and "take care of grandma".
She moves to Austin TX with new BF who is a plumber.....life is wonderful she hasn't worked in 3 years....Her father (myX we divorced 23 years prior) dies suddenly....she calls me crying...because she never made ammends with him for telling him to go flock himself.....and can I please buy 2 tix for her and the BF so they can fly home....I told her that it would be best to ask her father's family (who is very wealthy) for the $$. again i was told to go and flock myself, I was selfish???
She's now 30, still doesn't work and of course inh. all of her father's assets which include 2 houses, one is on the beach. She doesn't participate in anything with my family, she rarely visits my mother who she was so close to and is suffering from advanced dementia....if i extend an invite for a holiday she refuses to respond.
my daughter is still a child masquarading as an adult....she blames me for everything. I do not feel guilty at all....I raised her more than well, gave her all the advantages....she still chose the low road.
I did the very best I could and that's all you can do....
i didn't mean to hijack the conversation, but thanks for listening.....if you feel you are losing control with your child after exhausting all possibilities, you might want to consider the tough love approach.
I hope you find a solution.