(((Med))) - I've had those episodes when I have to do everything AT LEAST twice. Maybe we're twins, separated at birth?
(((40))) - I can't imagine having to listen to karaoke all the time. I'm totally spoiled by living in the country. I heard all kinds of sirens, the other day, and realized what a rarity it is, the other day. Then I remembered my days on the streets, when it was something I heard on a normal basis...don't miss it at all!
Okay, this is probably going to be long, so I apologize ahead of time.
I got to work, only to find out disturbing news. My store owner owns 3 stores. One of our "sister stores" was robbed Thu. night. Luckily, they are not a 24-hour store, they were closed, so no one was hurt or traumatized. It seems the broken glass was broken from the INSIDE so they're assuming an inside job.
I didn't realize how much it affected me until my boss asked "what is WRONG with you..you aren't even HEARING me". I then realized my mind was thinking "sister store was robbed...we're next" as that's what happened with both the robberies I went through". I had to snap out of it when we had 50-75 kids come in from a rained-out football game and it was a zoo. I did explain, to my mgr, why I was "zoned out" when I was.
My store owner came in, for a while, and got on to me about something and basically, I couldn't do anything right in her eyes. I stood up to her, but she's set in her ways, so I just gave up. My mgr told me to let it roll off my back...I was right and didn't do anythign wrong. Unless I grow eyes in the back of my head, I simply can't do what she expects me to do.
As I was leaving for work, stepmom wanted to talk. She's depressed, thinks we'd all be better off if she was dead, thinks no one loves her, etc. This has come up time and again. I told her I DO love her, and can't imagine my life without her, which is true. However, I told her I AM very angry and frustrated that she does nothing around her, that I DO understand depression but it doesn't just affect her...it greatly affects the rest of us.
I also told her I do understand depression, but she can't just wallow in it..there are things she can do to help herself. I asked her to start out with baby steps...take 15 minutes and do something...like clean off the stuff piled on the couch (our house could be on the show the "hoarders"). She said she'd start tomorrow...I said "why not today..it's 15 minutes". She walked up to me, crying, and said "please don't hate me" and it just broke my heart. I hugged her back, and said "j, I love you so much...if I didn't, I wouldn't give a damn, but I'm angry and frustrated at having to do everything and I'm tired...and I'm going to be late for work".
I also told dad of our conversation.
When I got home, the one thing I'd suggested she do, she did!! I talked to dad, to tell him about the robbery, and he said he'd also talked to her several times. She woke up and I made a big deal of how happy I was that she did what I'd asked and thanked her.
I've strongly suggested that she go visit her sister for a couple of weeks, both to her and dad. I think it would do HER some good, as well as give dad and I a break. Plus, it will give me a chance to clean the house without having to fight with her over trying to throw out stuff (she drags stuff back in from the trash)
Okay, so she just came back in here, to talk. I've told her I will go to a few al-anon meetings with her. I'm giving her 2 days to decide, she says she needs more than that to process it. I told her "no", she'll just delay it. It's hard to get through to someone who was beaten, within an inch of her life by her first husband and verbally abused by my dad, but I'm going to give it a try.
It's been one helluva night, and I'm hoping to go to sleep, now that it's almost 5 a.m.
Sorry to, once again, dump all my issues on you, but writing here is cathartic to me. [I][B]I[I][B] would much rather go on vacation...Oz, TN, Seattle, etc., but hard to do when you're beyond broke
Hugs and prayers!
Amy