Nands
This kind of speaks to your other thread too.
I did a lot of praying too...I couldn't understand why my prayers weren't answered. I wanted that miracle too...that zap! blam!.
It's only from this side of it can I see now that I
got that miracle - but it was
nothing like what I expected.
There was no blinding flash of light for me, no instant removal of the obsession....I had to fight and fight hard not to give in to my desire to drink, my often overwhelming feelings, and my utter fear of being sober.
I came into recovery disgusted with God.
I didn't believe and had no faith in Divine Intervention - but I trusted the folks here.
When I wanted to drink, I reached out...when I felt I couldn't stand looking at myself or my life one more minute I made myself hold out longer...and I reached out.
I always made sure I reached out - and always before it was too late.
I may have been a nuisance but no-one ever treated me that way here.
Keep asking for help Nands - from us who love you here, from those who love you in real life, from doctors and counsellors.
Your miracle may come in a different box than mine, but you'll get it just like I did....so long as you never give in and stay committed.
My miracle was quiet and peaceful arriving gradually...not only did I get sober and stay that way, but I rediscovered my faith, firstly in my fellow human beings, and then, in something more than that.
I learnt to use my skills and talents to get myself through the debris of the past, I learned to face my demons and beat them, and I learnt I really can move mountains, but only a shovelful at a time....and never alone
It's not always easy moving forward, but it's the only viable choice Nands
D