Recycle, I am glad that you cleared up some of your work stress, and hopefully that will bring a bit more peace to your life.
I have to say, that I was the Queen of self-sabotage, and I had it down to a fine art. I was terrified of succeeding. I had no idea how I would handle success, so I would sabotage myself and fail. Failing was something that I was quite comfortable with. I didn't 'like' the way it felt, but I 'knew' it. Finally, I had to take a leap of faith and recognize that I did deserve a good life. You do too!