Thank you so much. I will look for your other threads. It is helpful for me to get reality checks. Even though I have started my own recovery, I wonder happiness is still contigent upon my RAH. Because he is in recovery (taking baby steps), I find myself able to focus on mine. That isn't how it should be. Regardless of where he is at, I should be working on myself! I have to question myself on this.
I really feel what you are saying about having a mature partner with whom to have a healthy, mutual friendship and partnership--one who can put his family's needs, wants and desires above his own sometimes because it is the mature honorable adult thing to do. I have no idea what that is supposed to look and feel like! Now that my husband is sober, I applaud him for showing up on time, offering to pay for our lunch, calling me before he goes to sleep, and being engaged when we are spending time together. I realize for him, these are huge strides. It's not easy. Then I think to myself, I am applauding my RAH for things he should be doing period. I accepted so much while he was actively in the throws of his addiction.
Our finances are still tangled too. I was working toward filing for divorce. Then, he went into recovery. Here we are. I appreciate hearing your story. I have to take off the rosey-colored glasses and see the reality of having (or not having) a life with an A whether he chooses to remain in recovery or not.
I don't want to be leaving and coming back and disrupting my daughter's life. Again, I am getting ahead of myself, but I thank you so much for sharing. It helps so much!
My dad told me about "Sober League" softball. I don't know if there is a league in your area. Yes, I realize that when an A decides to step off the wagon, it doesn't matter if there are unharmful options.
Ships passing in the night. . .it's very lonely to be married to an A!
