Thank you everyone.
I sent him a text, an hour later, saying, "They're at their dads."
Told AH, he said, "no way she's coming over here." I also just found out he told the girls dad during their last conversation that, when he has the boys he just wants to hang out with the kids. Alone
I appreciate all the help and feedback here, especially Naives gentle truths. You got it going on.
So while I was typing this, the dad texting me "ok thanks." I"m so freaked out by the whole situation. It stresses me out.
This is not new, the being stressed out by conflict.
The setting and keeping boundaries part is. I'm hoping that the follow through will make this ancient crap go away.
After all, why should I feel uncomfortable? They're the ones that are imposing!