SummerPeach,
I see you are in the throes of trying to make sense of the insanity. And "searching for the Why's." I have been there many times and I know how you are feeling and what you are going through. I know, it can make you nuts, can't it?
I hear ya' about the therapy. It's hard to find a good therapist anyway, ya' know?
I can see, though, some of The Steps in your posts. So maybe when you go back to Al-Anon, start looking for a Sponsor right away to help you work them? Just a suggestion. 'Cause I can see you are working them already, just without specifically thinking, "I'm working Step Four" or whatever.