Summerpeach,
I don't really seeing you defending him, (but I have been known to do that, because I didnt want to look that, uh, gullible i guess is the word).
You seem to be quite honest with yourself, but be careful about being hard on yourself now. Wait for the initial shock of it to wear off to "learn your lessons" so to speak.
As a matter of fact, there were some of us here in that were going to start something called "The Damn Book Club"
The damn book is: The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson.
I just started reading, and wowee, does it hit the mark.
Let me start another thread about it.
Maybe you would like to join us? I want to learn so much about this issue that has effected my relationships throughout my life. I am 51 with two divorces behind me.
Beth