Hi there angharad.
I will always be an alcoholic untill I die. I will never be 'cured' so to speak. I have a daily reprieve from my alcoholism sure, and alcohol play no part in my life and I have absolutely no desire to alter my mind through alcohol or drugs. I love my peace of mind, gratitude and sense of purpose that I have in my recovery and wouldn't trade it for anything.
However I have to keep my recovery as the most precious thing in my life. I cannot afford to forget for one second that I am an alcoholic. This isn't a negative thing either, on the contrary, providing I stay away from the first drink then it ain't an issue and has been somewhat of a blessing in many ways. I have more peace of mind than I ever had, all thanks to my recovery from alcoholism.
Alcoholism is primarily a thinking problem and not a drinking problem. The drinking is the very final stage and very much the symptom of where the thinking has gone wrong. Relapse happens way, way, way before the final act of taking that drink.
SR is great as it's really easy to access and I really love my daily visits to SR. It keeps my recovery at the forefront of my mind which is essential for me.
I know that I had to change the inner working of my psyche to stay gratefully sober. I used AA, SR + much wisdom from elsewhere.
No amount of external acticities would have kept me sober for long. I had to change me. I found my way as I wanted to truly stay sober more than I wanted to get drunk.
The only person who should be dissapointed is you. It's your life not anybody else's life.
Make sure that you get really hard back into recovery. I could not have got really properly grounded into solid sobriety without going regular to AA meetings. Not just attending meetings but sharing at each meeting and actively applying everything that I learned and picked up into my daily life. I got to know the people and was respected there. I made sure that I actively engaged. I checked out NA too but AA was where I felt more at home so to speak.
I think it's a case of doing all you can to dedicate your time to your recovery related stuff. Even when I wasn't doing recovery related stuff then I was still applying my recovery. That is where the change occurs.
All The Best xxx