CATS: thank you, He twisted everything I said, to a point where I started to feel crazy and question my gut. I mean how could someone who loved me so much, act in such a sick way. I could not compute that. I mean, he was in AA working his recovery and stopped drinking so how could he not be more rational.
He would yell at me, deny yelling then say "you're yelling and irrational" to throw me off.
Conversations and fights were never how I saw them, I needed a tape recorder with him in order to prove I was not crazy and I heard what I heard.
I will heal this time, I won't get into another relationship any time soon. I want to be healthy and happy the next time I meet a man. I want my next relationship to by my last. I need to know what healthy is.
I've seen this light when I got through the ending/cheating with other 2 ex's, but I guess I didn't bask in that light long eough.
L2L: thank you. I have NO DOUBT I'll feel better. My energy won't be spent on wondering who he's cheating with or where he is or who he's with. It won't be spent on being stunned by each fight.
I hear you, trying to make sense of an addict is crazy. It's funny, cause he won't even identify himself as an addict. He's perfect don't ya know!
He's a TRUE addict in every sense of the word. He doesn't drink, big deal, he's still a sick addict. His moral compass is broken, He did want all those things, we talked about it, but the guy could not even pay a parking ticket.
He was always right, I was alwayw wrong. I started every fight, he was the innocent one.
Man, how could I have been SO STUPID!
This will surely make me have another hard look at myself. I'll return to Al Anon and work on me and why I chose to stay with the abuse.
SEEKING: the pain is intense. I can't even function today. I've not eaten or slept.
My soul cannot process this pain. I look forward to the days where this pain doesn't have a grip on me anymore.