Thank you for this thread
NoDay and everyone who commented. It has helped me to be sure I am doing the right thing by minding my own damn business.
A person recently tried to hook me into doing what THEY wanted me to do by screaming and yelling at me and accusing me of "not caring" about my BF's children. They acted this way because I refuse to get involved with the parenting of my BF's children. These children already have two parents who have chosen what I feel are strange and possibly harmful ways of parenting. I could get involved, advise my BF to do one thing or another, take on new responsibilities, and/or act one way or another. In other words, I could do things in such a way I feel (1) is "best for the children" and/or (2) is the best or healthiest way to parent, but guess what?
It is not my responsibility to guide, accommodate, or create a relationship between a parent and their child, EVEN THOUGH I might feel it is the "right" and moral thing to do. Not only that, I would have to be CONSTANTLY involved in everything that happens with the children and between their parents. And I don't WANT to be THAT involved in someone else's life. Part of the reason I have changed my behavior to a "not my business" stance is because whenever I HAVE tried to "help" someone with their parenting responsibilities, or to do what I felt was in the best interest of the child (all in the name of LOVE by the way), I have taken on WAY too much responsibility (as if MY life wasn't ENOUGH responsibility already) AND my relationship with the children was severed in the end.
So, my belief is that as codependents, we worry too much about how the other person's lack of participation will affect the child. We judge those people and attribute their bad behavior to whatever makes the most sense to us (alcoholism is to blame, right?). And then we try to compensate for their bad parenting. Or we take on responsibility for them and try to GET them to be better parents. We drive the kids to the alcoholic (or in my case, fly the kids), we accommodate, we take on so much we cannot manage all the responsibilities on our own, and we take on the other parent's responsibilities. In other words, we ENABLE and prevent ourselves from serenity.
I refuse to enable ONE MORE PERSON. I refuse to take on ONE MORE PERSON's parenting responsibilities. I refuse to get so involved in another person's life that I am making their decisions FOR them. I choose to mind my own business. And I am glad,
NoDay, that you have decided to ignore him once again.
Thanks again for sharing.