Hi Alegra
I was struggling with the same thoughts for awhile not long ago. I knew I had to take care of my inner child and work on some issues I had since my childhood (growing up with my A dad), mainly having to guess what normal and healthy is.
I read a lot here, and I started to question myself, as to determine which of my bahaviours were coming from fear, which I kind of understood as my emotional level dictated by my inner child, and what was my grown up rational thinking. Pretty soon many things changed for me, mainly due to the fact I was finally ready to be honest with myself, as I decided I can trust myself to protect myself. I don't know if this sounds strange. I guess the best way to describe it is to say I allowed myself to open up to me, I kind of said whatever there is deep inside of me, it is ok, I want to find out, I'll forgive myself, I'll care for myself the way I care for my kids. Once I did that, the things just started to fall into its right place. I'm not exagerating to say it was like magic.
And at the end of this process I kind of decided the healthy, the normal is what I want it to be, what makes me happy, I don't have to please anyone but myself.
I don't know if any of this makes any sense to you, but since I did all that work on myself finally, for the first time in my life I feel complete and strong, my heart is full, and I'm just so happy to be alive and I know whatever happens I'll be fine, as I have this great person on my side: ME!
Hope this helps.
HUGS