Again, thank you for all of your input. Life is a balancing act in normal day to day life. I was pretty upset when he came home late the night of July4th after the fireworks. He came into the house and acted like everything was just fine, he hates conflict and was hoping the hours that had passed had cooled me down. For the first time in our 13 years together I told him he was not sleeping with me. The next morning he got up and said good morning and acted like all was normal with the world. After I explained to him again that we needed to focus on our family and marriage he admitted that it is easier for him to focus on his recovery without having to deal with everything else. It is an escape for him. We have 2 daughters, 17 & 19. He has a very difficult time communicating with them. When he does talk to them it is about something he is unhappy about, room needs to be cleaned, do you have your homework done, where were you, who were you with. He is very suspicious and just knows they are doing something wrong. Drives me crazy (and them too). They just want a dad and approval from him. We talked for a long time and agreed that we would focus on our relationship and spend more time with our girls as a family. We both had the day off and both of our girls were home (very unusual for all of us to be home at the same time). He went and asked them what their plans were for the day, they were both going to be around all day so he planned for us to rent a jet ski for a couple of hours. Both of the girls brought a friend and we all had a blast.
I know we still have a lot of work to do to put the balance back into our lives, one day at a time.
I have been reading the posts on this board for a couple of months and really appreciate the open and honest communication. Not only is is conforting to know that I am not alone, I also find it enlightening to read the posts from the people that are expierencing life in recovery (both sides) and those that are seeking that life.
Have a wonderful day.