Thank you Angelic. Deep down I know that I was a good mother. I think for these words
"You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it"
to really be felt and believed on all levels, comes in stages. It took me a long time to really get the Cure and Control part, but I do get that fully now. The last thing to work through is the Cause part, especially as a parent. I know that we all deal with it and are at various stages of recovery. I think my recovery is getting there because I am really allowing myself to look at the guilt feelings and to see that even though I would like to have done some things differently, I am human and as such are allowed to make mistakes, the same way I am OK with other people making mistakes.
Thank you again KE for your post. Some of the words I read here recently was to hold our children in our minds with a feeling of pure love. When I do that, all the guilt feelings I have and the judgements I have against my son, disappears and it feels good and right.
I say thank you to my HP often for leading me to this forum with its very wise people.