Originally Posted by
Thumper 
I was going to say defeated but that isn't really accurate. I'm just tired and deflated about the prospect of never getting xah out of my life. He just won't give up on the blaming, twisting of the truth, and jabs. I know and understand that is just what is going to happen it just gets so old. I ignore those comments (all in email) and do not say anything negative about him or to him. I just don't get into it and that does keep me out of the fray (and makes it far easier on the kids) but it still feels bad. Some days more then others. It will never end. I have accepted that I guess I'm just having a pity party right now.
It feels like I am letting someone get away with trying to make me feel so small and wrong. I know I am not wrong. I am free and intend on staying that way forever but does anyone have a nifty way of looking at this or dealing with it when it gets me down?
Time will make it much better, 4 years for me and my axw's stuff barley bothers me now. A recent example, LMC was down there for 2 mths and just got home. Was telling me how it went down there, and said things started to deteriorate with her mom after
I was down there for a weekend visit at the half-way point.
Said her mom was blaming their problems on my visit, I must have said or done something to poison LMC's mind. Blame shifting at it's finest. Didn't faze me, just typical of the disease. LMC may have gotten a 2 day dose of "recovery", but that's hardly my problem.
I often find myself bothered by others behavior, driving is a biggie for me. For me it boils down to revisiting step 1, "I am powerless over people, places, and things." Once I can accept (or re-accept) that I have zero control over something, I almost always feel instantly better.
I think your recovery is doing great. I find in my own, and observing others recovery, we often slip back into "old" behaviors. But I've noticed I don't slip "
as far" or for "
as long" as my recovery progresses.
Progress, not perfection.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote