So I was talking to my husband and as my first few days sober were like being in a foggy hell, I do not even think that I had my tally of days right. When I was withdrawing I was so frightened that I spent a few days just looking at humor sites on the internet because I thought that I was losing my mind. Anyway...according to his calendar, tomorrow would be two weeks sober. Wow.
BUT, last night was the first time that I really felt tempted to drink. Anyone have that experience around two weeks? Although I just started a new job and am very, very busy, I need to try to find an AA meeting. So what did I do about that "feeling"? We went out to dinner and a movie, and it passed! Someone said (was it Artsoul?) that the feeling lasts for about an hour with a peak at about thirty minutes. So I kept that in mind and did everything in my power to distract myself. I had forgotten how much I really love movies. It seemed like drinking was the only "fun" thing to do. Yup, falling down, waking up with bruises, posting drunk messages on facebook, waking up unable to function, waking up so ashamed of myself that I wanted to die, seeing the world as a hostile place, and hating myself on a daily basis was a lot of "fun". My puffy face, dark circles, and occasional pain in the side were a lot of "fun". Wasting every other day of my life because I was too wasted or hungover to do anything was a lot of "fun".
I am trying to figure out if something triggered that feeling of wanting to drink, and I think it was anxiety. Could it also be physical? I think that as soon as my insurance starts up, I am going to get back into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy because alcohol only kills the anxiety temporarily. The stupid Sh%$ that I did while drunk made me an anxious mess.
By the way, Despicable Me in 3D is really cute and light-hearted. If you just want silly fluff, then check it out.
