Hang in there Hollybear.
Through doing 12 step work, I realized that my problem was not alcohol, it was sobriety. Said another way: I used alcohol to treat my feelings of inadequacy, distress, restlessness, etc. It was medicine, it was my higher power. And it worked, for a long, long time. Until it stopped working. And then I stuck with it, not unlike an abused spouse, hoping that it would come around and give me what I needed.
So when we stop drinking, that condition-- the spiritual malaise that the Big Book talks about-- surfaces in all its glory. It makes us guilty, angry, embarrassed- whatever it can do to drive us back to alcohol.
I kind of view it like being in between powers-- alcohol, and whatever power you are going to find to help you deal with life sober.
So, try not to stay "in-between" too long. It's a scary place to be, and it's hard to stay sober there. Some days, you just grit your teeth and do it, because you know that going back is worse than going forward. But eventually, it gets better. We are promised that after the ninth step-- "Feelings of uselessness and self-pity will disappear."