Oy, Transform, what a headache. So sorry that you had to deal with that on your BIRTHDAY. Of course you would, though, because if it wasn't something that was about him then he would most like do SOMETHING to MAKE it about him.
I've been there. This year, as a single gal, I had the BEST birthday EVER. I counted on no one but myself to make it that way, and--wah-lah!!--there emerged fabulous people in my life who wanted to celebrate me! Not that you were necessarily counting on him to make it about you, but clearly he helped to reinforce that it can't be about you for one single moment.
Let him have his stinking landmarks. You have a wild and precious life ahead of you, full of all of the promise you could possibly imagine. Congratulations on your kiddos being so wonderful, and my wish for you is that by your NEXT birthday you have your own car and nothing to do with people who are not invested in you being all you can and want to be.
Hugs,
posie