this morning, when my chihuahua puppy escaped from the back yard again (how the hell is that guy getting out?) I spent the time I was suppose to be showering and getting ready chasing Bubba. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
I picked up AH, and we set off for our kids championship swim meet in the next town. I NEVER go there anymore, not since I moved out and left him. I loved this town, it's funky, progressive, old historic houses. As we passed from the town we currently live in, into the town where he had his affair, where we lost our house, where he drank away everything, we passed so many landmarks I can't even believe it.
He openly stared at every one of them. Oh look! there's the bar where you used to meet that ******* *****! And there's the bar where you took off and went to meet her at the work party after lying to me. I cried for days after that and you were a total jerk to me. And there's your old bosses house, where you met her for that party the night you came home and told me what a piece of **** I am and you're divorcing me-that was before I knew you had a girlfriend you worthless selfish *****. I can't believe we just did that tour of his affair like that, together, with him openly staring at all of his favorite old watering holes. While our children cried and begged him to stop drinking, he was there with her. Waht kind of idiot am I?!? Why on earth do I keep trying to make things work wtih him?? He doesn't deserve to lick my shoes/
By the time we arrived at our sons swim meet it was all I could do to keep from just punching him in the face, the rush of resentment and anger was that strong.. Luckily, I turned right around to come back and shower and pack up the food for the day. Thank you Bubba the chihuahua puppy
I foolishly tried to reconcile with him recently. it ended badly, waht surprise, when I tried to intervene with his drinking plans because OW was going to be at the beer fest. then he turned on me, criticizing me with all kinds of made up ****. And do you konw what i did??? I FELT BAD. THAT'S HOW STUPID AND SICK I AM. I listened to his crap about my "lifestyle" how he doesn't agree with my work, and how I didn't "have his back" when he was trying to fix the car. I needed him to give a **** about the fact that OW was going to be there, and he bailed as usual and turned it on me AND I BOUGHT IT!!! you ******* ******* you turned it all on me again and i ******* bought it. I should have run you over with the car when i had the chance.
I'm so angry right now. I'm going to take a clonipin, a shower and head back over there to support my son, ignore asshat and try to enjoy my ******* birthday.
By the time I return, this will be hanging in cyber space and I'll be fine, I'm sure. I am SO ready to be free of this madness. I am SO ready to NOT buy into his insanity any more and get on with my life. That guy can only offer me confusion, pain and anger. Period. I don't care what the packaging looks like
