I havent been here for a little while now so i am going to explain as much as i can without boring you all to death.
I split up with aebf in march sometime due to him smashing my mothers house up where i live,and also hitting me and his drinking.
I had a restraining order against him,he stayed away and my life was peacefull.
However he was on facebook talking about me and i became obsessed with checking it ,i even found the passwords and was watching him talking about me on chat( stupid move from me)
Around june time i bumped in to him in town,well it all goes downhill from there really, we talked cried and decided we would get back together
So the story begins, we moved to scotland to stay with his dad,we were getting on fine,he was still drinking and i was drinking with him,2 weeks later he started his crap again,accusing me of allsorts,hitting me,controlling me and i was devastated but at the time i was stuck soi did anything i could to placate him.
Eventually he got arrested for public order and because he was wanted back home they said that he will be transported back,so i made my move and came home.
However they ended up letting him out but as i was already home by this point he made his own way back to me.
From here the police got him,now he is in jail and he cant contact me which is a good thing in a way because it gives me time to find somewhere else to live where he cant find me but i just feel so stupid, he hit me really bad this time and i know i cant ever trust him and now i feel trapped again.
I really hate myself,how could i have been so stupid to go back after everything he did to me,i was even stupid enough to write him a letter with money in it because i felt sorry for him (what is wrong with me)
He always harps on about loyalty but has never shown any whatsoever to me and i have been nothing but loyal to him.So why do i feel the need to be so loyal to him when he is not?
I am worried about him coming out but i miss him.
I want a life of my own without men but dont want to live my life without him,i hate the mixed feelings that i feel all the time.
When we were apart i missed him everyday but i knew i was peacefull and safe,but still i go back like an idiot.
Im sorry this thread might not make much sense if its any consolation it doesnt make much sense to me either. What the hell can i do about this? what will i do when he gets out of jail and expects me to be there,he made me promise that i will never leave him no matter what and i did
