Thanks Midnightrun..
I think I understand what it is that you're saying.. But it doesn't make it hurt any less. I'm embarrassed. The only people I thought I could talk to without judgement, made me feel small and well foolish. I'm sure that wasn't the intention, but now I sit here feeling useless and stupid. God, I was foolish to think that I could be understood. I was foolish to think that there were people out there who could offer words of wisdom without being judgemental. My day has officially been flushed down the toilet, and a drink is sounding pretty good.
What's the point of being or trying to be sober, if you still end up being the bottom of the barrel? I'm sober right now, and hell I wish I wasn't. Then I'd at least be drunk and sad, not just sad. What's the point? WHAT IS THE POINT!?!? Gosh, I hate everything right now, most of all myself. Why must everything be so hard? I come here to try and better myself and I still end up just feeling like crap. Nothing helps. I'm a loser and that's not going to change. Change - Ha, what a freakin joke. Screw it.