frankly

For those of you that have known me here, you know how hard I've worked to become a better person. You walked me through the darkest hours of my life. I can never ever express my thanks in a way that even begins to show you how much that love and support means to me.

I went from a blubbering suicidal mess, who couldn't even leave her home any more, to a confident, calm, loving person again who dared to start dreaming again, dared to open her heart up to other people again, and even dared to love again. Not to mention, I leave my home regularly now.

I credit all of this to you guys. I never made it to any face to face meetings, I made it to the parking lot once, but that is as far as I ever got.

I bought the burned out motel/restraunt, and for the last 5 years, have poured my heart and soul into it. I saved a piece of history that was built in the 20's. Even after having our home cleaned out during Christmas and all our tools stolen, I still had serenity, I still pushed forward. Even when my daughter was date raped and ended up pregnant, I still had serenity and pushed forward. Every spare dime I could save, went into re-building that motel. See, I had a dream again. I dreamed of finishing that motel and having a place to invite all of you to. A gathering place. A place that maybe I could give back to you all for what you had given to me.

I was almost there. Drywall was almost done, carpet rolls sitting and waiting to be installed. The restraunt had been completed now for about 2 years, just had to finish up the motel side. Then Brett died. Everything stopped. I struggled with starting up again, to finish the dream that I started. I wanted my next post here to be a big suprise to all of you, a post of dreams come true, a place of peaceful beauty, with flowing creeks and beautiful mountains, for all to use to gather when they needed to leave their problems behind. A place that we could meet each other and give real hugs.

Two days ago, I finely got myself in a mental frame of mind to go finish what I had started. If for no other reason, than to honor all those that had helped me through the pain of addicted loved ones. I had left it to attend Brett's funeral and had not been back because of the grief that I was still dealing with.

When I arrived, I was crushed. It's destroyed. All the electrical has been cut out, stripped to the bone. Air conditioners gone. Drug addiction strikes again. Five years down the tubes.

I can't do it any more. It will be the first thing in my life that I started and never finished. Just the fact that Brett died stealing to supply his habit and someone elses habit stealing my dreams, it's too much. It's time to let go of it and let HP guide me.

I'm done. It's all going up for sale as-is. I'm moving back to Florida as soon as I financially can. I will never get to post that post telling all of you that it was done. I'll never get to meet you and tell you in person the impact that you have had on my life. It was a wonderful dream that carried me through many many nights. In reality, I guess I don't need that building to show or hold onto how I feel about all of you. To show my gratitude.

Ann - You have made the biggest impact on my life. I want you to know that. No matter what life brings either of us, know that in my eyes, you are a human angel. Your peace and serenity are an anchor for so many people, even though they may not voice it, people hold onto your example. Thank You.

Greeteachday - Hon, you reached out to my son and daughter during a very hard time in all of our lives, because of that, you renewed my faith in "good people" still being out there when I could no longer see that. Thank You.

Splendra - You taught me to dance in the rain again. Thank You.

All of you - have renewed my faith in mankind. With all that is wrong in this world today, when I get discouraged, all I have to do is remember all of you. Your shining example of humans loving humans, strangers helping strangers.
It is a shining light to humanity, to the true good in this world that is hard sometimes to see.

Drug addiction surrounds us, no matter how much we detach or seperate ourselves from it, no one escapes the web of its impact. What helps us survive are people like you helping other people like you. Thank You.

I'm opening the next chapter in my life. Letting go of a dream and concentrating on my family, my grandbabies. Taking a break because I feel I don't have anything to offer right now. But I didn't want to leave without saying goodby and at least trying to let all of you know how much you have changed my life for the better.

Thank You.
B