Hi Jenny
From the little I have read, I don't think your a bad person at all.
You are trying to rationalise an irrational person and it cant be done.
Al-anon isn't for everyone but I am glad you are on this site as you get to read other peoples sharing and take what you like and leave the rest, just as in Al-anon.
Keep working through your feelings with your therapist, because you sound like me, needing to be loved and fearing rejection. I am sure you will feel more like you - soon. Time is a great healer, so they say.