this is an awesome thread -
I have to say that I have always heard the phrase "they were doing the best they could, with what they had."
I am one of the blessed and fortunate ones that have been able to discuss some of the childhood issues with my parents ~ not all of those issues because "except when to do so would injure them or others" applied.
My parents truly did not know that help was available ~ Just like the first 10 horrible years of my marriage to an active alcoholic/drug addict - I didn't know AL-Anon was available to me.
It doesn't excuse the behaviors - but I can relate to why things weren't different than they were.
My parents still do things that hurt me, because they are not in recovery - but I am in recovery.
Today, I can choose to live a healthy program and show them a different way. They see it, they notice it, they respond to it. Will it change their world - probably not as much as it changed mine - but it may do a little to help them and that in turn helps the entire family.
It's a personal journey for each of us - we are on the same road, just at different places-today I am in a decent relationship with my parents - tomorrow I may need each of you to help me even be in a room with them ~
I think recovery gives us the tools to process how we were affected, heal and the courage, strength and wisdom to try a different way with our children and grandchildren. Will we do it perfect? NO. but prayerfully we will do it better and then our children will do it better and our grandchildren even better than our kids - and so the cycle will continue . . .
At least that can be our Hope, Prayer and Goal!
HUGS,
Rita