Woot! update!
The boyfriend has been sober now for 4 days. We sat down and talked about things. He agreed it isn't fair to bring up another issue, when I bring up an issue.
Also, by giving examples of how it is unfair, I also acknowledged that my approach could have set him on the defensive.
I will stay dry for 2 months to support him and he understands I will have drinks after that. And he understands that just because I don't or do something, we don't have to be at the same place!
thanks!
giz