Hi MasKeraider
welcome to SR.
I drank and smoked for 20 years - I wanted to quit but I didn't really want to have to change anything to do it.
The end result was I nearly died.
I think the only way out of the cycle is to make really determined efforts to get out of it.
When the cravings hit we have to go the extra the extra mile not to give in. If we walked 100 miles to get blitzed we need to be prepared to walk 101 to stay sober.
It's good you've joined up here - posting here can be helpful when you're battling that desire. Have you thought about real life support? a recovery group like AA? considered counselling? inpatient or outpatient rehab?
Support is vital - but you have to use it, reach out, do something different - and break the cycle.
Look forward to seeing you around
D