Hi vtsister,
My Brother was living in our family home rent free but had to pay the property taxes, & keep the utilities up as well as the home. My Dad left the home to both of us which was a big mistake in the end.
He had a drinking problem but I didn't know he drank all day every day and did use drugs. He was renting the bedrooms out to other drug users off the street & wasn't paying the property taxes or utilities & let the home owner's insurance lapse.
I went to see him( I live across the state from him) unexpectedly & some was good most was bad...he was getting buckets of water from the neighbors to flush the toilet. He had sold a lot of the furnishings & in three years it looked almost like a crack house I have seen on TV.
I decided I needed to hire a lawyer to help me get the house sold with my Brother complying with his contract with me that had been drawn up by the lawyer that did our Dad's Probate of his Will.
That didn't work...I had to start paying the back taxes so the house wouldn't go into foreclosure. This was in 2008 so the big stock market & pay-out hadn't started yet. He was given one year to work with a realty outfit & of course chose one of his friends to do this job.
After the year was up I had the lawyer draw up eviction paperwork for my Brother & the other's living in the home. By this time my Brother wasn't living there because he was with a sober friend trying to come off meth & alcohol.
He was called & someone read the eviction notice to him over the phone.
I had to hire a contractor to clean out 50+ years of living in this five bedroom home & we had a yard sale. My Brother was holed up in a motel because he had a warrent for his arrest for unpaid fines. I saw him & we talked..he cried more than talked..so sad what we do to ourselves. I have been in alcohol recovery for 22 years now.
I stayed there 5 days & left the contractor to finish up & have the dumpster picked up when he was done. Before he was done a lady & her adult daughter came to ask if the house was for sale....they gave her my phone number and she called me & she bought it as is to fix up & resell. Someone was watching over me for sure.
My Brother is sober now & off drugs but had two heart attacks two months apart while detoxing with a doctor's help. He called again yesterday and does
sound like my real Brother now. I am keeping his share of the money & send him money when he asks for it...he can't manage money & gets into enough trouble with his retirement & pension.
I love my Brother sooo much & so do his kids. They all are giving him much needed support but no enabling.
You are right to ask your brother to find his own place. We had to do that when our son came home after four years in the Navy. He moved back into his bedroom...alcohol problem & all that goes with it & after six months of sleeping all day & partying all night we felt it was time to move on. He had a job & a place to live the same day. Ironic how that works.
Good luck to you & please don't feel guilty...your Brother is an adult...it is time for him to face up to reality.
kelsh