Hi Betty, I think you are in the right place. There is so much support and wisdom here.
My BF of 3 years is an alcoholic, and in severe denial.
Then he's not ready to change anything huh?
I have tried talking to him about his drinking, asking him to try alternative methods to help him sleep at night, but of course he refuses or changes the subject.
Alcoholics will ignore the facts, twist the truth, and bend reality to protect their addiction.
Last night we got in a fight when he was drunk, and this morning, in a fit of anger, I tried to talk to him about his addiction.
Partner's of alcoholics have a lot of anger to deal with. Al-anon would be a very good idea if you haven't already gone.
I am worried that his habits will affect our relationship, though.
There is no doubt that alcoholism will affect the relationship. Alcoholics have a primary relationship with alcohol (not their partner) and when push comes to shove, that is the one they will protect. Again, al-anon is a great resource to give you tools to work your way through such a situation.
I worry about his health (he is 30, with a history of diabetes in the family), and I worry that his addiction will worsen in time.
Legitimate and realistic. It is a proven fact that alcohol harms the body and alcoholism can even lead to death. It is a proven fact that alcoholism is a progressive disease. There are stickies at the top of this forum that really helped me. You might want to check those out.
Mostly, I'm worried that he feels he can't or won't talk to me about what he's going through.
He can't and he won't. He's in denial and to talk about it would threaten his relationship with alcohol. His addicted brain will not allow that.
Sorry if this is TMI, but our sex life has diminished greatly since the beginning of the relationship, and I tend to blame that on the alcohol.
That is to be expected. Both the alcohol itself and the resulting relationship issues will impact this area.
I guess what I'm looking for is a ray of hope... is there anyone out there who has a success story for me?
There are lots of success stories here. It is just that they might not look like what you are hoping for.
Perhaps slightly spin your definition of success. Instead of defining success for your boyfriend - define success for yourself. What are your hopes, dreams, needs, etc. for you personally? How can you go about meeting those? You get on that path, and you'll find your success story. If he is walking there beside you, great. If he is not, well then he is following his own path but you have still found your success.
T