Hi TuffNutt, you're sing my song!
I'm the same as you in that I don't need to "surrender myself completely to a higher power". I would try to start too many debates in a religious based program.
I've never tried to quit before either, but have had a few slow down periods over the years. I used to entertain the idea of quitting for a year a few times, but I knew it would be impossible...my muddled up thinking and cravings would having me drinking in no time.
What's changed everything this time is reading about the physiological reasons for addiction, recognizing I was a full card carrying alcoholic, seeing where I was on the long descent into a slow ugly death and that it was a slam dunk that my drinking had been increasing over the years and it would keep increasing unless I stopped it or died, and finally, that Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) is what makes a person relapse.
Now I know that my limbic system and a small area at the top of my brain stem are responsible for my alcoholism. They neeeeeeed that soft glow of alcohol, but aren't aware of what is happening to the rest of my brain or body. They have the capacity to control an alcoholic's thoughts and feelings to the point of death despite every health, financial, social, career and family wrecking negative effect.
Evolution has built layer upon layer onto our brains...there's no way I'm going to let the most primitive part control and ruin my life!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you read these yet?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rch-links.html
Add some more if you find any good links - knowledge is the key.
Murray