TuffNut

As I posted earlier, I was down to two glasses of wine per day with plans to cut it out completely within a few days. Well yesterday was the day and here I am wrapping up Day 2, and feeling pretty darned good about it. It hasn't been too difficult and I haven't had any withdrawal symptoms or cravings yet. I had some brief flashes when I was doing things that I would normally associate with drinking, but I wouldn't say it reached craving level. I've never tried to actually quit drinking for good before, but during times I've stopped temporarily for whatever reason (either just wanting to take a break, or when I was due to have surgery, as examples), it seems like I remember the "wanting a drink" feeling hitting after 4 or 5 days, so we'll see what happens. I've taken longer breaks than that, but it's been awhile.

I even went to Costco this morning, and although I usually browse all of the aisles, when I got to the liquor aisle I stopped myself and said (outloud!) "I don't need to go down there. I'm off the wine." I feel a pleasant level of determination that is also new to me.

A little background: I don't think I was ever a "normal" drinker, but over the last year and a half or so it has become a real problem, and for several months I've been drinking most every day. Usually a bottle of wine per day, but sometimes up to two if I started early enough.

In another forum here I made the mistake of saying I didn't want to go to AA or take psych meds for my anxiety and depression, and although I tried to be polite about it, it wasn't well received by some and the resulting discussion was stressing me out. So that's why I'm thinking it's probably a better idea to hang out here for awhile until I'm a little more confident in my sobriety.

I describe myself as a militant agnostic with atheistic leanings, which basically means I'm an atheist who wishes there was something more, but it seems highly unlikely to me. The only thing I know for sure is that I can't know the unknowable, and I don't believe anyone else can either. Some people need to believe in something, so I also have no interest in raining on anyone else's parade in that respect. This is the fundamental reason AA is not for me, but there are others that I won't go into.

I'm kind of a solitary person and I actually like it that way, and even need my solitude to a point, and I've never been good in groups or with structured programs. I'm not counting out one of the formal secular programs completely if it turns out I need one, but at least to start I'm going to try to make it on my own with the help of the support available at SR. I feel very strongly that I need to make my own way, wherever it leads me (even if that is to a group eventually), and also that there is always more than one right way to do anything. I'm new at this and I want to leave my options open. All of them except continued drinking, that is.

I guess that's about it for now. Wish me luck and continued determination for Wednesday!

Tuffy