Gosh, I agree with just everyone! Jazzman, LTD, Lucy, Gerry, all of you guys! But bottom line for me was/is... I had already really been a "single" parent, and without the drunk guy in the house, it was way easier to manage. I kidded myself for those last couple years that he was an actual equal parent. He was not, and his influence brought a real negative atmosphere into the house.
Now, I think about 6-7 years after separation and ultimately divorce, I still think of him, and feel bad for him, and realize all he missed with the parenting and experiences. I (like LTD) have a man in my life who is not an "A" and is just absolutely wonderful to me. It took 5 solid years of NOT dating and just focusing on the kids and on healing myself. And I STILL wasn't prepared for this new relationship, but thank goodness my boyfriend was sweet and consistent with me!
You are going to be fine, mentallyexh (and I would consider CHANGING THAT NAME, GIRLFRIEND!) and life is going to eventually even out and feel "normal" again, don't worry. The number one thing I have to say is that my life, and that of my children, has been infinitely better than it was while living with an active alcoholic under our roof! God, I can barely remember, but when I do, I SHUDDER! Blech! and SCARY! and soooo unhappy!!!
Both of my kids (and two nephews I had living with me for a while) are all currently successful and soon-to-be self supporting. My boyfriend is almost living with me fulltime and I adore him, and I am having so much fun being a 50-something ADULT who works hard and is enjoying the results of that.
Don't be afraid, mentally Exh. Go forward with your plan. Be patient and not in a hurry. Time is a great healer, and definitely on YOUR side. Love your children, Love yourself, Love your ex even, but make the break. You deserve it and so do your children. And the ex? He hasn't gotten sober with you, right? Maybe he will without you...
