Hey there transformee
Originally Posted by
transformyself 
....The same thing happens over and over again. THE SAME ******* THING. Yet after a few months the veil of forgetfulness comes up .... .
well of course. We all do that. That's why we are here on SR. You think if we could just walk away from the insanity that easy there would be any need for al-anon and SR and therapists and all that stuff
Transform. Look closely at what you have written in this post. You are describing what an _addict_ goes thru when they try to get away from their "drug of choice". I dunno about you, but my drug of choice was fantasies. I am an "alanoid", and I am addicted to fantasies. Ok, so I put a woman in there somewhere, but it doesn't really matter which one as long as she goes along with my fantasy for awhile.
Originally Posted by
transformyself .... Maybe I should take the kids and move to Key West where my sister is after all. .... .
That's called a "geographic". Without recovery all that happens is we find some other person to pin our fantasies on.
Originally Posted by
transformyself .... Why won't he leave me alone?.... .
cuz he knows you are addicted to him. You keep raging at him, so that's how he knows.
Originally Posted by
transformyself .... I HAVE NO ONE BUT MYSELF TO BLAME FOR THIS. .... .
well no, not really. It's not your fault that you are an alanoid just like me. The only thing that you can blame yourself for is that you have not decided 100% to give up the addiction. You are still chasing the "high" in small ways. You still try to get those warm fuzzy feelings from the fantasy instead of from your HP.
I know this cuz it's what I did for many years.
Originally Posted by
transformyself .... I need therapy. I need a healing. I need to go see the Medicine Man again and have him pull the power intrusions from my soul..... .
well that's fine. But it will only work until you reach out and pull the addicition back in again.
Originally Posted by
transformyself .... I need help.... .
All the help you need is right there in your own heart. As long as you hold on to the fantasy, you'll stay on the rollercoaster. Go have a talk with your HP. Make a decision to walk away from that fantasy 100% _today_. Just for today. and _mean_ it. Then you can go see the counselor and the Medicine Man and their healing will stick.
You can do it. I have never met you in person, but your strength and will are plenty clear thru the internet. If you really and truly want something, nothing in the world can stop you. You just haven't really and truly wanted to give up the fantasy 100%.
Maybe today is the day. Maybe today is your alanoid "bottom". Sounds to me like it is. whadya think?
Mike