Hello bellejar, and pleased to "meet" you
Originally Posted by
bellejar 
.... I have so much to say and ask but don't know where to start. .... .
no worries, we all had tons of questions when we first started. That's why places like this exist.
Originally Posted by
bellejar .... there was no physical abuse. I have trouble even saying there was emotional abuse, because they weren't particularly mean or anything...just not really "there". So I have a good amount of guilt placing any of my issues on their addiction .... .
Actually, that's a very common misconception. One of the things you'll discover as you "research" the issues of an ACoA is that abuse _heals_. Physical injuries heal, given enough time and love. The _absence_ of love does not heal, it just sits there and festers. If you review the "Characteristics of an ACoA", they're all about the consequences of not receiving the love that all children need in order to flourish. I was physically abused as a child by my alcoholic family, but that is not what injured me as an adult. It was the lack of support, love and direction that messed me up.
Children have gone thru war, torture camps, horrible diseases, and they all survive those ordeals just fine, if they are surrounded with love and emotional support. Those of us who do not get that support as children end up in meetings of ACoA, in therapy, and on medication.
Originally Posted by
bellejar .... It's almost as if they're being raised by an alcoholic, even though I don't even have a drinking problem, ya know? .... .
Well sure. You had no role models for raising children, so how would you have learned and developed the skills? The huge difference is that you are _willing_ to better yourself and _become_ a good parent. We call that "breaking the chain".
Originally Posted by
bellejar .... and in that time I've made a complete and total mess of every relationship I've tried to have. .... .
That comes under the same heading as "role models". Nobody taught us how to have relationships, how are we supposed to know?
Originally Posted by
bellejar .... Would an Al Anon meeting be appropriate instead? .... .
Very definitely so. Al-anon meetings are quite diverse, so you'll have to do a little shopping around. Some are focused on an alcoholic wife, others on the husband, still others focus on us adults who are recovering from an alcoholic family. They have a whole series of books and pamphlets just for us ACoA's. My fav is "From Survival to Recovery"
Al-Anon Online Store : Home
Originally Posted by
bellejar .... And what can I do right now, today, to begin to raise my self esteem?.... .
What works for me is something called "baby steps". That means _not_ to try and fix it all right away, but to break it down into very small steps and do only one at a time. Think of something you would not normally do for _you_. Something small. Like maybe take a bubble bath, or buy a tiny potted plant for your kitchen, or getting a manicure. Think of doing it only _once_, just this one time.
Then do it. Just this one time.
Then tomorrow you can think about something else real small, but for today you do just _one_ small thing.
It sounds silly, but those little things add up and before you know you'll start to notice the difference.
Originally Posted by
bellejar .... I don't think counseling is really possible as I will be a student without insurance very soon.... .
Depends on _where_ you are a student. Most Universities and community colleges proved free counseling for students. Check out yours and see if it's available. Check out a few meetings of al-anon and ask around for counselors. Everybody at a meeting of al-anon has a shrink, or a lawyer. A lot of therapists work in clinics, and they have "sliding-fee" programs where you can see a therapist for cheap.
Welcome to our little corner of recovery. I'm glad you decided to join us
Mike