We ALL are going through this Elisa1 so please don't feel it's only you. I use to think that myself. No one KNOWS what I'm going through but from here and AA (yes, I too had to work up the nerve to go) I know I'm not alone and you aren't either.
My friend that knows first asked me when I told her if I meant no drinking forever or just learn to moderate. I said forever is the plan. She may not totally understand but she totally supports my decision. All of us here support you so read and post away.